*deep breath*

I never thought life would be easy  I've always known that life isn't easy; experience is the greatest teacher of all, but in the same breath, I never new that it would be like this.  I never knew that it was possible to be so blessed and so blah at the same time.  Actually, I never knew that it was possible to feel so many emotions all at once, and honestly not really be able to name or identify any of them.  You guessed it, I'm overwhelmed.  Nothing is wrong.  I have so much to be thankful for but I just feel like running away.  Not forever; just until, well, I feel like coming back.  :)  Have you ever been there?  (please, even if you are lying, just say "yes" to make me feel better)

Feelings.  Everyone has an opinion about feelings.  Some say, "listen to your feelings", while others say "feelings are deceitful" all I know is that my feelings are real and right through here I'm feeling like I'm having WAY too many of them.

Pray.  Honest, I think prayer is wonderful.  I believe 100% in the power of prayer.  And, I can honestly say, that I do pray.  But sometimes...oh, I don't know, it just seems like it would be a lot easier if God could come and sit down next to me and we could chat about things that way.

Sleep.  Oh, how I miss thee.  I would love to just have a few days to just sleep and sleep and sleep.  I think this is the crux of all of my current "issues".  I'm just so unbelievably tired.  It's amazing to me that sleep is so powerful.  I don't know all the science behind it, I just know that it's been a LONG time since I've had a good night sleep and my life hasn't been the same since.

Responsibility.  Again, one of those things you know is there....but really, when did it become so HUGE.  AHH!  You know, I'm ok with being responsible for me...but now being responsible for a "family", I think I should have read the FINE PRINT before signing up!  I love them, my family that is, but seriously, I just need a break.  Maybe more than a break, I need someone to take care of me.  That would probably help.

Vacation.  (I think this is self explanatory)

Reality.  Ok, now that I'm over whining, I have to say this.  I have a great life.  I have a wonderful husband, and incredible son, and blessings beyond measure.  The truth is I am tired, overwhelmed, and in need of a vacation but the reality is that it could be much worse.  So, like everyone else has to do time and time again, I will pull myself up, dust off...and keep on keepin on!!!

family.shamily

The last few days my thoughts have been stuck on this one topic - family.  What makes someone "family". Really, more than that, what is family?  The teacher in me went to the dictionary for help.  Not really what I was looking for.  Just your basic, generic "classification" definition.    Now that I'm thinking about it, I should have probably gone to the Bible next, but well, I apparently wasn't in the middle of a "holy moment" when I was thinking about all of this.  Anyhow, as my thoughts continued on, this rabbit trail this came to mind, "everyone has a family tree but not everyone has family".  Hmm...that really got me thinking.  Allow me to back up before going forward...

I was adopted at 5 weeks of age.  My mom, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins (I think you get the point) none of them are genetically related to me but all of them are VERY much family to me.  They are all I know.  But the same is also true that there are people out there in this world, right down the street for all I know, that are my "family tree".  Clearly if someone were to ask me who my family is, I'm going with the people who have loved, nourished, and cared for me all of my life, NOT the branches and leaves on the tree (if you know what I mean).  I think that because of this experience, being adopted, it really causes me to view family, perhaps, through a different lens that other people who are born into their families.  Please know that I LOVE my family with all of my heart and feel so BLESSED to have been placed in such a wonderful family.  This is by NO MEANS against any of you.  Ok, so back to my recent family thoughts...

In addition to my family I have be blessed with incredible, INCREDIBLE, friends who have been what I would consider family.  It is these very people who have caused me to stop and think about what makes someone "family".  See, I guess when it comes to people that you are "related" to things, like helping move or picking up things at the store is almost a responsibility, almost a "given".  Not that there is a rule book of how to treat family members, but it just seems that there are some things that you do because it's just what you "do" for family.  Are you following me?  But when someone who isn't related to you and really has no "obligation" to care about your well being steps up and without being asked meets needs in your life...wow!

The past couple of years I have found myself surrounded by people who genuinely love me and my family.  It is amazing to me how without asking these people are just there and so willing to give freely of their time and their resources.  While living in Louisville, KY, I was blessed to work with wonderful people who really taught me what it means to give.  I watched over and over as these people cooked dinner for each other, cleaned house, watched each others kids, passed down hand-me-downs, and raised money when there was a need.  It really challenged me.  I hope that I love people like this.

Ok, so what makes someone family?  I don't really know that I know the answer to this question.  But what I do know is this, I am VERY thankful for the people that God has placed in my life who aren't necessarily "related" to me but who are VERY MUCH my family.  These are the people who are there when I need them, and especially when I don't think I need them and really do.  The people who love me when I'm lovable and when I'm not so lovable.  The people who have adopted my son as their next Grandson and my husband and I as their own kids.  Now that I think of it, maybe I do know the answer to the question, "what makes someone family?".

Friends are the people that you know.  Family are the people that you could never live without.

More than french fries!

I don't know if you're like me, but before I start something I think about it for a long time.  I don't just think about the task at hand I think about things like what could possibly go wrong, what would be the way to avoid things going wrong, and if a problem is completely unavoidable what are my possible solutions.  Stressful? Abosolutely.  I wish that I knew how to life differently, but I'm afraid for right now...it is what it is.  Well, starting a blog was no exceptions.  I spent days...ok weeks thinking about what I would name the blog, what would I write about, and what I would do when I became a famous blogger and people want to make a movie about me.  Ok, I know, its far fetched, but I'm just being honest here.  So anyways, in all of my thinking, I never thought that writing a  blog would bring a sense of calm, respite, to my life.  Now, I have journaled many events in my life but somehow, this blog is different.  I find myself taking time to notice things that happen throughout the day in a way that I never did before.  Probably because I want to make sure that I have something worthy of the big screen to write about :) but it really has made a difference in my day...

Speaking of today...

My baby's first art!!

Happy Father's Day to my awesome husband!  He is a wonderful daddy!  Today, after church we did things that made him happy (because I'm an awesome wife HA!)...while I thought that I had everything all planned out to be a perfect day the weather apparently didn't get the memo.  

bummer.

But you know...it was still SUCH a great day!  After church we (the hub, the bub, and myself) drove up to the Indiana Transportation Museum in Noblesville, IN.  To our disappointment they weren't having train rides today because the locomotive was broken SERIOUSLY??? and just to add to the disappointment it was RAINING.  Well, for the sake of the hub and his first F.D. I decided to just make the most of it....it was, after all, FREE!  So we toured the trains...it was fun!  The baby was crying and my husband was like a kid in a candy store!  

Next on the agenda was a Father's Day Car Show.  Now, please remember that by this point I am sick of my kid crying and we have been walking in the rain...did that cause the hub to think, egh, let's just go home???  NOPE not at all...and yes, we walked around the car show, you guessed it, in the RAIN.  I'm not going to lie, by now, to my surprise, I was actually having fun.  I mean,  I had no idea what I was looking at but seeing my husband so happy pushing that stroller around and showing our son all his favorite cars was worth it!

On to lunch...Red Robbin (yum!).  Let me just say that our "out to eat days" are coming to an end.  I decided that today at lunch.  But before we left I managed to catch a glimpse of a poster that really changed my perspective on a lot of things.  I don't remember the exact quote, but it said something to the effect of, "spend your life gathering as many happy moments as possible, it will make you a much happier old person."  Powerful huh?  In that moment Red Robin became a great place for a reason other than unlimited french fries (which happen to be a favorite guilty pleasure).  I had to stop and think, "you know, I'm glad things happened the way they did today" and "I really want to be a happy old person".  

The rest of the day was fantastic.  It finally stopped raining and we didn't have any reason to be outside LOL.  We spent the evening with grandparents who, against my better judgement fed my son way too much ice-cream.  But I thought, "egh, who cares.  Everyone needs a little ice-cream on a Sunday, even Ezra"!

Once again I was challenged to remember that it's only the simple things in life that really matter.  Embrace them...even if it's in the rain :)

Blessings.

Way cheaper than a yard sale...

Look at those guns!!!  Sorry ladies, he's taken!!

Today I bamboozled my husband into doing one of those things he would have NEVER EVER done if he weren't married to me.  Well, maybe he would have, but, I'm highly doubtful!  Anyhow, today we hit the JACKPOT of deals!  We scored a RadioFlyer Wagon, the kind with the built in seats and the door that opens and close, two matching lawn chairs (with the bags), a soccer ball for Ezra, a huge tote that will serve as a great toy box, and a great table for Ezra's new playroom.  The best part....it was all FREE!!!  How?  It can all be summed up in one little phrase, "one man's trash is another man's treasure".  Had the phrase said "one woman" I might have considered being the one who actually dug in the trash to get everything out, but, well, that's the way the phrase goes! Apparently a family moved out of our complex today and just didn't want to bother with packing everything, so, they just trashed it!  Lucky for me!

JACKPOT!!! He was happy on the inside...(i think)!
Actually he was probably saying,
"why did I let her talk me into this?"

To clear up an confusions no one was actually IN the dumpster...everything was just sitting right on top hoping, begging, calling for me to come rescue it and give it a new home! Now, I don't see a trash digging career in my future and I'm absolutely certain that my husband isn't seeing one in his, but hey, you only live once...right!!!  At least one day we can look back and say to our kids, "remember that wagon you loved so much..."

It was great day!  And yes, after this activity Curtis had a shower and I washed my hands!  Currently, everything is in storage until we move!

I have such a great hubby!!!!  He's so good to me and will do anything for his boy!  Even dig in the dumpster!  In addition, I must say, "thank you Jesus, for the little moments in life that bring about such great JOY!

Digging for treasure!!

Start a blog. Check!

I don't know if anyone will actually ever read this, but, I must say that I am very excited about finally starting a blog.  It's something that I've been wanting to do for a very long time, so I'm glad to be finally getting around to doing it.  You might be wondering, "what's up with your title?", or perhaps you don't care at all, but none-the-less here's the deal.  I have recently become a stay home mom to a fabulous little boy.  I'm sure I'm biased, but he's the cutest baby I have ever seen in my life.   While I love being a mom, adjusting to this new life of being home everyday has been a little difficult to say the least.  One day, I was walking past an end-table in our living room and I noticed a bowl of pennies.  Instead of putting it away, for whatever reason, I thought it made the perfect weight for working out.  So, that's what I did.  I know I probably looked like a fool, but in that moment, it was the greatest thing I had done in a while. For the next  week or so, I worked out religiously with that bowl of pennies.  But more than working out, I realize that that little bowl of pennies, which is very heavy by the way, was more than just a weight, it was my key to coming back to life.  If you are a mom I'm sure you understand where I'm coming from when I say that while I would never trade anything for being a mom, I really grieved the passing of my old life.  I missed taking a shower, sleeping in, eating more than once a day, and doing what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it!  Somehow that bowl of pennies helped me to realize that while I probably will never have that "old" life back, life isn't over.  I have to admit that my penny workouts are over, but I still refuse to move that bowl of pennies.  Whenever I see it, it reminds me to "live".  It's the simple things in life that teach the greatest lessons.  I'm looking forward to sharing the lessons and the failures with you...whomever you may be!!!